The pain of not loving yourself is real.
It’s a feeling that can’t be described.
You know it when you feel it, but you don’t know what to do with it.
It’s the kind of pain that makes you want to run away from everything and reject everyone.
But, perhaps something inside of you is telling you that maybe, just maybe, things could get better.
There are ways out of this dark place.
There are tools and practices that are like putting money into your bank account and eventually you get out of the red, past zero, and into the black.
Your life will turn around completely.
But how did we go from loving ourselves (as newborn babies) to hating ourselves, or not believing in love?
Self-hate is cultured by the very society we live in and it is reinforced even by good parents.
As an example, you probably still hear your mum’s or dad’s negative restraints in your head:‘bad girl, good girl, I told you so, stop that, you can’t do that, this is all you deserve, I don’t believe you… you know better than that…. Who do you think you are, serves you right’ and so on.
Our parents were simply parenting and socialising in the only way they knew.
They mimicked their parents and so did the parents before them.
We discipline children in ways that are painful to their minds and bodies and we tell them that it is for their own good.
We tell our children that their desires are wrong and we make them choose other desires, and we tell them for their own good.
But, herein lies the problem.
As children, we begin to believe that our parents are right.
We start to think, maybe it is for my own good.
We believe our parents know more about the world than we do since our parents are in control of our very survival.
If our parents kept saying, I love you and I am doing this for your own good, while at the same time they are causing us physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual pain, we start to believe that love is pain.
If you have a pattern of self-deprivation, you are confused about the difference between self-love and selfishness.
You can become addicted to the feeling of being a good person when you deprive yourself.
Depriving yourself creates scarcity.
Increasing your capacity to love yourself brings you into alignment with the Universe and allows the flow of true love in a relationship, as well as health and wealth, and abundance.
This is the only way to create prosperity.
Here are some stepping stones to self-love:
- Look at yourself in the mirror and say: “I commit to loving myself unconditionally. (keep saying this mantra)”
- If you are stuck in making a choice ask yourself “What would someone who loves themselves do right now?” The correct answer will come
- ‘I love myself for…..’ become aware of the negative feelings and say this out loud to yourself…I love myself for feeling stupid etc etc etc. Trust me, it works!
- Write down how grateful you are to your body. Write down at least 10 things every day in a journal.
- Instead of focussing on your flaws, commit to seeing what your natural strengths are, and work with those, while you ignore your flaws.
- Decide to be happy. Make happiness your priority. What is happiness worth to me?
- Tell your truth. Don’t compromise yourself to please others.
- Honour your feelings.
- Recognize the universe is made of unconditional love. If you open yourself to receive, everything is possible.
- Admitting to what scares you rather than ignoring it.
- Reading books that make you feel good about you.
- “I promise to keep myself safe” (avoid situations or people who make me feel unsafe).
- Laughing a lot, watch funny movies.
- Eating food that is in line with your highest good.
- Forgiving yourself for making mistakes.
- Let go and trust. Let go and let God/universe.
- For every critical thought come up with 2 positive ones.
- Ask for help.
- Keeping a journal.
- Saving money in your own bank account.
- Slow down.
- Practice self-compassion. Compassion is the doorway to self love.
What is your favorite self-love practice?
Please share in the comments!
You can, connect with me by ringing our clinic on 03 6428 3007 (Tuesday, Wednesday Or Thursday); alternatively, you can also, go online though our websites – Purple House Wellness Centre and Grada Robertson.
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Tune in every Tuesday on our Grada Robertson Facebook page for “Tuesday’s Talk with Grada” at 1:45 PM.
Much love as always,