I see this trap constantly in mature, caring human beings.
They become people pleasers with a spiritual excuse.
Years of inner work made them compassionate and intuitive, so they use that awareness to understand everyone else.
They give second chances and third and fourth, and it keeps going.
They make allowances.
They say yes when their body is screaming no.
They stay available when they are exhausted.
They tolerate things they would never let happen to their children.
Somewhere along the way, spirituality got confused with martyrdom.
I know this territory well.
Charity groups, membership drives, clipboard people used to pick me from a mile away.
They could always spot a soft target, and I was it.
For most of my life I thought being loving meant being available.
Being kind meant understanding why someone behaved badly.
If someone was hurt or disappointed with me, part of me instantly asked, what do I need to do to fix this?
Here’s the problem with living that way.
Eventually everyone gets a piece of you, except you.
Your body keeps score.
It knows every yes that should have been a no.
It knows when you smile while something inside you cringes or contracts.
It knows when you say “it’s fine” when it is not fine at all.
Eventually your body starts asking a harder question.
- When are you going to choose me?
- When am I going to get the same loving, caring attention?
That question changed me.
Because here’s what I now believe is true.
Real spirituality has a spine.
Love can say no.
Compassion can say, I understand why you feel that way, and this still isn’t right for me.
You can love someone enormously and still refuse to carry what belongs to them.
That isn’t selfish.
That is containment.
It is staying in your lane.
Knowing where you end and someone else begins.
We may be connected at the level of spirit, but here in this body you get one life, one day at a time, and a finite amount of energy.
You cannot keep pouring yourself out and call the empty cup enlightenment.
Before you say yes, take a breath.
Listen into your body, which is the truth detector.
Drop out of your head and into your body.
Then ask yourself this.
If nobody would be upset, disappointed or judge me for it, would I still say yes?
Sometimes the answer is still yes.
That’s real love talking.
But sometimes you’ll notice your yes was never love.
It was fear-based.
And a yes that costs you yourself is too expensive.
The energies right now are chaotic.
There is a lot asking for your attention, your time and your yes.
This is exactly why staying in your lane matters more than ever.
Your nervous system was not built to carry everyone’s chaos as well as your own.
We simply cannot afford to say yes to everyone right now.
Stay in your lane.
Keep your own ground steady.
That is how you stay calm when the rubber hits the road.
Join my upcoming 7 day Immersion from the 7th until the 13th November and incubate a new version of yourself!
Big love,
Grada
Grada Robertson, MNM
Master of Natural Medicine & Founder of The Miracle Method
Doctoral Candidate in Natural Medicine (Psychosomatic University / Holographic Manipulation Therapy with Drs. Gabe & Tiffany Roberts)
Grada is a three-time Amazon Bestselling Author of the trilogy: You Are the Miracle, The Underbelly, and Alchemy of Love.
Disclaimer:
Our content is for educational purposes only, based on our personal journey and research. It is not medical advice. We are not medical professionals. Always consult your doctor or healthcare provider for any medical diagnoses or treatment. The information we share is intended for learning and discussion and should not replace professional medical guidance. Any actions you take based on this content are solely your responsibility.