Have you ever been so stressed and overwhelmed that your tummy felt all knotted up?
You got really uncomfortable in your solar plexus?
Perhaps your solar plexus is so tight that you can’t remember the last time it felt soft and relaxed…..
Did you know that the solar plexus area is the storage container for SELF-LOVE?
Most people believe that self-love is housed in the heart centre.
This is partly true.
The heart contains Universal Love.
It is the container for ALL LOVE, and the centre below it, the solar plexus is the home of self-love.
But here is the thing….
The more stressed and overwhelmed you are, the tighter it gets in there, and the more self-love is pushed out the door.
There is no room for it.
And yet, Self-Love lies at the heart of all transformation!
If you want your circumstances to change, to heal your trauma, become abundant, happy and connected, you have to increase your capacity to love yourself.
As I work with clients from all walks of life, I see a recurring theme: resistance to self-love.
Self Love the last thing that’s on my client’s mind.
Perhaps you are like my clients and think I will be worthy of love later—after I’ve achieved something great, lost 30 kilos or healed all my wounds.
You might have been programmed to believe that love must be earned or deserved.
You have to change something about yourself first and then you will be loveable.
But here’s the truth: You are worthy of love right now, just as you are.
Yet, for so many of us, embracing that truth feels uncomfortable, counterintuitive or even “forbidden”.
In my childhood, self-love was a mark of the devil.
I was born into a very strict secular Christion church, and the recipe for JOY went like this: Jesus first, Others second and Yourself last.
For the first 40 years of my life, I never questioned that acronym.
I loved being a mum of six kids and having a large circle of friends, so I was happy giving all my energy away to others and putting myself as a firm last.
It worked well…. …. Till it stopped working!
Obviously, the Universe had tried to alert me that I had everything in the wrong order, but it had always fallen on deaf ears.
Eventually, when I was forty, we had a series of car accidents in our family.
Lisanne, wrote off one of our cars.
This was followed by Caleb totaling 3 other cars.
Gran (Peters mum who ended up living with us) also crashed her car.
Then somebody came into my lane and we had a head on collision.
This went on and on for 2 years.
Thankfully nobody was seriously injured in amongst all the car wrecks until finally, it ended with me being hit by a passing truck, while I was a pedestrian.
I was 43 at that point.
Thankfully, I survived horrendous injuries, and I spent the initial 10 weeks lying still on my back.
- I couldn’t run away from myself.
- I had to give myself my full attention.
- I was forced to examine all my values and belief systems.
I realized then that my JOY recipe hadn’t worked for quite a while… perhaps years even…. And I had to figure out what the Universe had been trying to tell me all along, if only I had listened…. If only another wiser person had been able to coach me through it… it would have saved me years of pain and heart break!
(If you are wondering what the Universe is trying to tell you today, it might be a good idea to read the Underbelly. Experiencing my transformation will help you create your own.)
Today, let’s look at the most common forms of resistance to self-love I see in my clients and how you can change that.
- Fear of Being Selfish: So many of us were raised to believe that loving ourselves is selfish. But here’s the thing—if you don’t fill your own cup, you have nothing to give to others.
Action: Start each day with the affirmation, “Loving myself helps me love others more.”
- Perfectionism: The illusion of perfection is one of the greatest blocks to self-love. We think we need to be flawless to deserve love. But here’s a secret: Your imperfections are what make you beautifully human.
Action: When you feel perfectionism creeping in, remind yourself, “I am worthy of love exactly as I am.”
- Negative Self-Talk: That inner critic can be relentless, can’t it? But remember, you can choose to speak kindly to yourself. Your thoughts create your reality.
Action: Every time you catch yourself in self-criticism, stop and say something compassionate instead, like, “I’m doing my best, and that’s more than enough.”
- Unresolved Trauma: Trauma creates deep scars that can leave us feeling unworthy of love. Healing from trauma takes time, but self-compassion is key to that process.
Action: Whenever you feel old wounds resurface, gently tell yourself, “I return to myself. I am healing, and I am lovealbe at every stage of this journey.”
- Seeking External Validation: We all crave love and approval from others, but when we rely on external validation, we give away our power. True self-love comes from within.
Action: Practice saying to yourself, “I am perfectly good enough, just as I am.”
- Fear of Rejection: This fear can keep us from fully loving ourselves. We worry that if we embrace who we truly are, others might not accept us. But here’s the truth: when you love yourself, you create an inner strength that no rejection can touch.
Action: Repeat, “I deeply and completely love and accept myself and I am safe in my own love.”
These are just a few of the common blocks to self-love that so many of us face.
And the beauty of this journey is that once you start recognizing these patterns, you can begin to release them.
Practical Steps for Cultivating Self-Love
Here are a few simple, yet powerful tools that you can start using today:
1. Daily Affirmations
Affirmations have the power to shift your mindset and rewire your brain for love and positivity.
One of the most transformative affirmations I’ve ever used is simply: “I love myself unconditionally’.
This might feel strange at first, especially if you’re used to being your own harshest critic.
But trust me, the more you say it, the more it will resonate.
Say “I love myself” every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed.
Write it down.
Say it aloud.
Let this become your new mantra, and watch how it shifts your energy and your circumstances.
2. Visualization & Meditation
There’s a beautiful meditation I often guide my clients through, and I’d love to share it with you.
Here’s how it works:
Sit in a quiet, comfortable space and close your eyes.
Fold your arms over each other and rest them on your chest.
Take a deep breath, and as you exhale, let go of any tension in your solar plexus.
Now, imagine a warm, golden light filling your heart and solar plexus.
With each breath, see that light expanding, filling your entire body with love and warmth.
As you breathe in, repeat the affirmation, “I love myself and I am worthy of my own attention.”
As you breathe out, imagine that love radiating out into the world.
This visualization helps you connect with the feeling of self-love on a deep, energetic level.
3. Forgiveness Practice
If there’s one thing that can block us from loving ourselves, it’s holding onto guilt, shame, or resentment—whether it’s towards ourselves or others.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools we have to release these burdens and free ourselves to love more deeply.
Here’s a simple practice:
Write down one thing you need to forgive yourself for.
Then write down one person you need to forgive.
As you reflect on these things, repeat the mantra: “I forgive myself, and I release this burden.”
If you truly can’t forgive yourself, change the mantra and say: “I forgive myself for not forgiving myself.”
Or simply say: ‘I have forgiveness in my heart.”
You’ll be amazed at how light you feel afterward.
4. Daily Acts of Self-Compassion
Self-love is a daily practice, and it’s something we can nurture in small ways every day.
Self-compassion isn’t just about thoughts—it’s about action.
How are you showing up for yourself?
Here are a few simple ways to practice self-compassion:
- Take time for self-care, whether that’s a relaxing bath, a walk in nature, or simply taking five minutes to breathe.
- Speak kindly to yourself, especially when things don’t go as planned.
- Set boundaries when you need to protect your energy. It’s okay to say no.
- Stay in your lane.
5. Letting Go of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be paralyzing, but it’s an illusion.
You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love.
You are enough, just as you are.
Let’s try this: Write down one thing you’re holding onto that feels like it needs to be perfect.
Now, take a deep breath and consciously let it go.
Say to yourself, “I release the need for perfection, and I am worthy of love as I am. I am safe”.
You don’t need to be flawless to be loved.
Unconditional love is your birthright.
Self-Love is a Daily Practice
The journey of self-love is just that—a journey.
It’s not about reaching some final destination, but about cultivating a daily practice that helps you live in alignment with your true self.
The more you practice, the easier it becomes and the more relaxed you feel inside your body.
Your solar plexus will thank you!
Here’s a simple routine you can follow:
Morning: Start each day with the affirmation, “I love myself.”
Midday Check-In: Ask yourself, “How am I showing myself love today?”
Evening Reflection: Before bed, take a moment to reflect on the ways you practiced self-love that day. Even the smallest acts count.
This journey of self-love is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
It unlocks freedom, joy, and a deep sense of inner peace.
I am so honored to be walking this path with you and witnessing the beautiful transformations that happen when you start saying YES to loving yourself.

If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to check out my 8 week breakthrough to success one on one coaching program, where you and I dive even deeper into these practices and work together to clear those blocks that keep you from fully embracing self-love.
You deserve to live a life filled with love, joy, and abundance, and it all starts with saying YES to yourself.
With love and blessings,
