When we are little, we sometimes come to the conclusion that we have to be ‘good’ to be loved.
Being loved equals survival when we are too small to take care of ourselves.
We spend all our time trying to be good, trying to earn approval, trying to stay in other people’s good books.
Because we want to be loved so much, that we spend a lot of time trying to be perfect.
Later on, we realize that this isn’t working, or that all this effort isn’t paying off.
That it’s a recipe for disaster, but by then, we don’t know how to do or be different.
We are caught on the hook of seeking perfection, and we set cruel goals for ourselves.
Unless we find perfection, nobody can love us, and we are worthless.
We are caught up in the trance of worthlessness, where we believe that unless we find perfection, nobody can love us, so we are worthless.
Does this feel familiar to you?
Basically, you have been taught that it isn’t ok to be yourself, and when you commit to loving yourself, you begin to make peace with all your ‘flaws’.
When you are fighting against your flaws, you create friction, and what you resist persists.
We need to open the door to acceptance a little bit.
To accept is to let go of resistance, which allows you to focus on what you want in your life experiences.
This doesn’t mean settling for less or tolerating abuse or disrespect.
But what it does mean is to practice unconditional love by releasing yourself from the negative focus of perfectionism and accepting where you are in life.
Also accepting where other people are.
To accept yourself means looking at yourself with an attitude of approval, and appreciation.
It takes practice and it’s a lifelong recovery process.
Get a piece of paper and write down: I approve of…. about myself.
Every day, make a list of all the things you appreciate about yourself.
After a very short time, you will strike gold.
Because you are like the Buddhist statue in Thailand, that was hidden under a thick layer of mud and clay for 6 centuries.
In the 1950s the plaster started to crack, allowing light to shine on the gold that was hiding underneath it.
The monks had hidden this treasure under a thick layer of clay mud to stop it from getting stolen or ransacked during wartime.
This is so symbolic of us!
We protect our innermost self, our goodness, with layers of defense mechanisms, mental constructs, or survival strategies, hoping to earn others’ love and acceptance.
Little do we know that if we just allowed everything to fall apart a bit, to crack up, others will see our goodness, and we will be loved like never before.
Because underneath it all, we are loveable creatures.
Our subconscious mind, which is 99% of us, is a highly moral being.
It is full of natural goodness.
We were born like that.
We don’t have to modify it.
So let me take you through a short meditation that helps you to relax into yourself.
If you struggle with self-love, trip up with unworthiness issues and self-sabotages, book in for a session with me to end the suffering and begin to enjoy your life!